I can't do this anymore
by FMR
Summary: Inspired from the 7x10 promo. Lisbon and Jane are trying to find their path alone and together. A bit of angst, a bit of romance, a bit of comfort, everything that occurs in everyday life! Rated T (you never know...).
1. Chapter 1

_« I can't do this anymore... »_

As soon as she heard those words, all her forgotten fears came back crashing inside her heart. She saw their past like flashing hideous memories: Las Vegas, tricks, hurt, South America...

Jane wasn't looking at her sudden paling face, her quickening breath and trembling hands. _« It could have been you in that coffin » _he went on. Lisbon wasn't listening to anything anymore, her heart beat too loud in her chest and in her ears. Like an automate she began to turn around and walked away with buckling legs. Her breath was so shallow and quick, it was hurting.

Hearing her moving, Jane turned his head around to look at her. She had her back at him, ten steps away, swaying. He stood up in a heart beat and before he could make one step, he watched her collapse heavily to the soft grass floor. Jane ran to her, kneeling at her side and turning her to her back. Pulling some of her hair away to see her too pale face. _« Lisbon ? Teresa, wake up, look at me... » _Jane pleaded her with a shaking voice. _"Teresa..." _

Her breathing was really worrying him, still too fast, still too shallow. After what felt an eternity, she still hadn't regained consciousness and Jane decided to call 911. While waiting for the ambulance, he thought at the exhausting week they just had. The hard and dangerous case, the worry he had felt for her safety every minute, the deadly shot, the announce of Vega's death in the break-room, the crying hug they shared then, the preparation to the funeral, the funeral and now her passing-out... It had been too much, she was exhausted and at the end of her forces, but such a reaction had he never expected. It took him just a second to snap. His words... His words had been too much, his words have waked up her fear of him leaving. How could he have been so stupid to come with that right now, just a half hour after burying their too young-to-die colleague. _"It's ok Teresa, I'm here, I'm not leaving... I love you..." _his voice cracking now, while his arms held tight her unresponsive body. He could hear the siren of the ambulance approaching. He held her as tight as he could without hurting her, whispering reassuring words in her ear. Her breathing was still too fast and her heart beat he could feel, was hammering at an abnormal rate in her chest.

The paramedics took her in charge, not without a little fight with Jane, and brought her in the ambulance. Jane jumped in in the most naturally way agony written all over his face, no one dared to tell him anything. They talked about possible heart attack. Jane sat there, holding her hand, not understanding why, how and what. It was simply too much.

At the hospital, they took her in the ER to check her up. Jane had to wait. He had decided to call Cho and let him know what had happened. He knew it would be a hard blow for the team, to find one of them in hospital again in so little time. While waiting, they all came one by one, Cho, Abott and Wylie. They all sat next to him, no one daring to speak as if it could bring another dreaded news.

After two hours, a doctor came in. Jane didn't dare to watch him, he didn't want to read his eyes while announcing the worst. _"You're here for Teresa Lisbon?"_, they nodded. _"We made quite some test. We excluded heart attack, but she is in a severe distress. It could be triggered by too much emotional happening, too much work, very little sleep or eating disorder... Do you know if anything the sort happened in the last days?"_, they nodded again. The doctor seemed to sense that he wouldn't become any more elaborate answer, so he thought he would let it be for the moment and ask again later, his patient was in no danger now. _"We've sedated her to calm her breathing and heart rate. She will be sleeping for an hour or two, if you want to come back then"_. Jane stood up and said with pleading eyes _"I want to see her... I... I need to be at her side when she wakes up... She's my partner, she's my love..."_. And that's what happened. The team said their goodbye, waiting for news later, and he was brought to her quiet, way too quiet room. The heart monitor was unplugged and she was lying in that unfriendly hospital bed. Jane didn't thought too much and sat on the bed, taking with caution her limp and cold hand in his. She was still very pale, but her breathing was calm now. He let out a heavy sigh and closed his eyes not believing everything that had happened in so little time. When she would wake up they would have to talk seriously, he thought. There was no way she could still dread for his leaving, for there was no way he could imagine a life without holding her, loving her... That should be definitively clear. But first, when she would wake up, he would kiss her deeply, lovingly and let her know how loved she is.

The fatigue of the day mixed with all the whirling emotions was now crawling on him, so he made some room in her bed and lay down, taking her in his arms. He closed his eyes.

They will work it out, they will be happy in the present looking out to the future...


	2. Chapter 2

It was already evening when Lisbon regained slowly consciousness. She could feel a well-known warm body holding her tightly but lovingly. She could hear the gentle heart beat in his chest and follow his calm breathing. Her head was still in a foggy cloud, only some of her senses seemed to have wakened a bit faster. She shifted a little, which alerted him of her waking state.

"_Hey love..." _he said smoothly.

She tried to look up but it was still a bit difficult due to the sedative they had given her. She kept her eyes shut and lay still.

"_mmm..." _was all she could mumbled.

But that was enough for both of them for the moment, acknowledging the presence of the other. Before she could at last speak a decent sentence, it took her some more sleeping and waking times. Jane didn't budge, her body weight partially sprawled on his was definitely reassuring.

"_Hey... what happened?" _was the only thing she could ask when she'd started to be more alert of her surroundings.

"_What do you remember?"_

She was still again for a long minute, trying to recall the events of the day. It came back to her quickly and with the memories, rushed back the raw emotions as well. Her breathing started to accelerate, like it did few hours ago.

"_Shhh... Calm down, follow my breathing Teresa. Try to relax, everything is fine..."_, he knew it was far from the truth, but that was not the matter now. She had to relax and avoid the emotions to sink her in unconsciousness again. With the same aim, Lisbon with tight-shut-eyes slowed her breathing as best as she could.

"_I'm sorry Love, I didn't mean to cause you more unbearable agitation..."_, they both knew he was talking about his previous words, the main cause of her blackout. The lump in her throat and her concentration to maintain her breathing, forbid her to answer.

"_You know that I love you, no?" _he continued, _"you know that you mean everything to me and there is no way I could live without you... You know that, don't you?" _his voice disappearing in a whisper. She nodded faintly, feeling some tears rolling slowly on her cheek, damping gently his shirt.

"_Leaving you for good is not an option, for arriving at that point after the fights, the grieves, the laughter, and all we went through and we shared after so many year... that can't be thrown away..."_

He paused taking a big breath, _"I understand that living in the present is what keeps you alive and I so wish to be able to only stay at it, but I can't. I can't live the present without looking into the future. Living our life day after day has it can be the last one is a wonderful thing, but I need to know that tomorrow exist and that it promise us everything that make us live today...". _Jane stood still again, leaving the words sink.

"_... and when I'm talking about tomorrow, I want to see joy, banter, slight fight, everything that belongs to life... But now all I can see is danger, sorrow, hurt and death... I just can't to it anymore, having only that tomorrow's perspective in sight... It spoils our future, but mainly it spoils our present..."_.

Feeling his chest shaking slightly, she looked up and witnessed wet trails on his face.

No more words were said, remaining only two crying souls hanging to each other in a hospital bed in a quiet, way too quiet room.

NB: I didn't realize how wonderful it could be to receive reviews... I thank all the nice reviewers &amp; followers for your kind words and for encouraging me to continue! And I realize what it takes to write, it's really difficult (inspiration and english, quite a challenge!)... I'll review and follow with good care from now on. Many thank's!


	3. Chapter 3

The next morning Lisbon was released from the hospital with a month of mandatory leave, away from the stress and the work. Even though the sedative were out of her system and she had slept six hours in a row, she had been relieved to have Jane helping her, his strong arm around her waist and his solid body avoiding her too exhausted frame to fall apart. Himself was tired to the bones, but his priority was being the stabile rock for Teresa, like she had been to him for years. A serious breakdown was the final medical diagnostic, it didn't cover every angle of her state but that was a general summary.

Abott understood, even if seen three people of his team away in a week was really not something to rejoice about. At least leaving Jane taking care of Lisbon and himself was better than having him messing around in the office, and Jane'd promised to help on request.

When they arrived at home, Lisbon was drained as if she had run a marathon. The doctor had told her that she will feel like that for a long time and that she should have patience with herself. That had made Jane smile softly and Lisbon grumbled, that will be a challenge they knew.

With Jane's help she reached her bed and lay down. Sleep came as soon as her head hit the pillow. Jane sat down next to her, stroking softly her hair, looking at her so frail body. He knew he wasn't the only cause of her state, but him underlying his _leaving_ had definitely close the circle. Hesitating a moment to lay down beside her, he headed toward the kitchen instead, to prepare them a light lunch. While Lisbon was asleep and him cooking, he thought about his fears, about the life he wished for them both, about what he could loose and what he loved most. It was such a whirlwind of emotions, thoughts and decisions to sort, he nearly let the rice overcooking and the vegetables burn. How could they take the next step if their life visions couldn't match? How could he try to live in the present when the future was such a dreadful vision? What would she find in a professional domain that wouldn't abnegate who she was? Would they be able to live a daily life without working together and spending more time together? Did they have more in common than their job, her passion and his mental stimulation?

After a good hour of sleep Lisbon woke up in her bedroom, bathed with the warm light of the day soften by the curtains. It felt good to be at home, it felt good to hear the gentle noise in the house letting her know she was not alone. Slowly she got up and went to the bathroom, she had to shower and change off of the funeral clothes. The running water on her skin was divine, as was the scent of her soap and shampoo, she felt at home at last. Dressed in some casual clothes, damp hair falling on her shoulders, she arrived in the kitchen drawn by the nice cooking smell. Jane had his back at her and too deeply absorbed by his thoughts he was oblivious to her presence. Her face touching his back made him jump slightly but he didn't turn around. They stood like that minutes long, before she wrapped her arms around him and held him tight. Letting his own hands wrapping hers, he sighed softly and they breathed in unison for a while.

"_Hey Love... did you sleep well?"_, she nodded her answer. _"Are you hungry? Rice and vegetables are on the menu"_, she nodded again but didn't move. _"We could stay like that for another hour but your stomach will soon protest and dessert will definitively be spoiled..." _he said teasingly. She still didn't budge, so Jane turned around in her embrace to face her. _"Hey..."_ he said smoothly. Lisbon titled her head then to look at him. Their eyes met, full of love, full of gratitude to be together, full of apprehension, full of unspoken words, that they shared then in a sensuous kiss.

**.-.-.-.-.-.-.**

NB: Not much action I'm afraid... I want something slow and sheltered, a breakdown is never easy and J&amp;L have to find their ways together and alone. Not sure either where I'm heading... Let's see!

Many thanks again for the followers and reviewers, it's really a nice motivation to continue! Thank you!


	4. Chapter 4

The first days were rather slow. Lisbon slept a lot during the day and through the night. Jane provided them with nice meals and lot of comforting touches, hugs and kisses. They hadn't energy for anything more than that and it was good for both of them. They didn't talk much either, letting each other living at their own pace.

Tears were shed mostly moments when she would stay alone, while he would be gone for small errands. Jane knew she needed the time alone, and he knew as well when back home that she had been crying, but never called her on it, leaving her space to talk about it if she wanted to. Tough talking was for Lisbon rather difficult, the emotions too raw to express with words, making her ribcage and sternum hurt excessively when she'd try.

"_It's okay Love, you have time... You'll find a way to let it all out... we are working it out... Let it go Love...", _were the words Jane had told her one day getting home earlier as expected and finding her crying loudly, sitting on the floor in the bathroom leaning against the bathtub. At first she had fought him vehemently, not wanting him to witness the poor state she was in, but being rather weak she soon gave up struggling against his embrace. More tears were shed until she fell asleep her head on his laps. Distraught, he had let her sleep there before carrying her to bed and lying down also, holding her, her back to his chest. Himself had let then his silent tears run.

As the days went by, Lisbon started to feel a bit better, more awake in daytime, which was reassuring about her health but would let also longer time for her to think back and forth. After the first week, her patience ran lower and lower and the tension between them grew. The little encounters they experienced, bumping into each other while cooking or tidying up, which would be found nice and comforting at first, began to be more and more irritating. Lisbon started to doubt that a "normal" daily life with Jane was bearable, worsen by him walking even more on eggshell too afraid to dig her deeper in her breakdown. Luckily before it came to a screaming and ugly argument from Lisbon's side, Cho had rang Jane to require his help on a delicate case.

The case the team was working on, was at the end more complicated as expected and they had to travel to New York, which gave Lisbon four whole days alone. Missing him dearly was without saying, but it gave her then the space and the kick to improve her condition. The afternoon of his leaving she decided to go for a walk and explore her neighborhood, raising her head to look around and really enjoy simple things such as trees, birds, people talking, children laughing... After eating an ice cream, thinking of Jane and wishing they could share that moment together, she headed back home pleased but tired, still not feeling hundred percent fit.

On her way she passed by a small alley, drawn by an angry arguing between two teenagers. Lisbon couldn't quite get what it was about, but the quarrel becoming more physical she decided to intervene to stop the escalation to reach a predictable hideous peak. Too absorb in their fight they didn't see her arriving. As soon as they heard her voice calling them and seeing her so near, they jumped from fear. In a second one began to run away like a lightning while the other one pushed Lisbon with all his force before fleeing as well. Lisbon tried to turn around to grab anything that could soften her fall, in vain. Her right hand crashed first damping the inevitable encounter her face made with the wall, her whole body then falling on the ground her shoulder first. Luckily some garbage bag spared her more injuries than her probably broken wrist and her scratched face. Moaning in pain, holding her wrist tightly while the side of her face bleed, she sat there for an agonizing half-an-hour. Hurting and light-headed, she stood up walking and stumbling towards her home. There, sighing she had to resigned herself to go to hospital to let them check her injuries. She called a cab and in stabbing pain grab her purse.

**.-.-.-.**

NB: So here we are, the story continues... I know it could seem too harsh on Lisbon, but I won't stay at that, there is an intention behind that.**  
****Many thanks again for your reviews/following, I'm touched that my little story is been appreciated! **


	5. Chapter 5

The wait in the hospital was insufferable, the blood on her face was now dry and hitching, and her wrist was a big blue bump. Her patience was running low and she thought a few time to hurry things flashing her badge... But she didn't want to justify a right of way for a personal matter. If only Jane would be there with her, either to hold her or to annoy the nurse so she would release her too happy to get rid of them. The hurting was not so bad if she sat totally still, leaving her her mind as only occupation. Remembering the scene in the alley, she couldn't do anything but wonder how old were those boys, maybe 13 utmost 15, it was hard to tell. The one who fled first was about her size dark short hair and brown eyes. The other one, who had pushed her to the wall, was taller, but less than Jane, with red-brown short hair and green eyes. Their clothes had nothing especially uncommon for their age... Lisbon jumped to the ringing of her phone, which cause her a shot of pain in her arm.

Slowly she took her phone from her inside pocket, hurt written all over her face from that move. Jane's name flashed another few times before the call ended into voicemail. There was no way Lisbon could bring herself to answer now in the middle of the emergency waiting room, not to mention that he would hear the hurting in her voice even on the phone. Willing to protect him from worrying and protect her from more exhaustion and endless explanation, she didn't pick up when it rang again ten minutes later.

_\- Hey beauty, I guess you must be resting... Wanted to wish you good night, LU_

She smile sweetly reading his message, refraining to send him an answer straight away. Before she could thought further on what to do, a nurse came looking for her to send her for an x-rays. A small sigh of relief escaped her lips replaced soon by the gritting of her teeth, while she stood up to follow the white coat in front of her.

When she finally breathed a free air outside the hospital it was rather late and she was worn-out. A taxi brought her home, where she headed directly to the kitchen pouring herself a glass of water and swallowing the prescribed pain-killers. Not able to eat anything she soon found herself in her bathroom watching horrified at herself in the mirror, making quickly the summary of her injuries: the right side of her face was swollen with a dozen of red scratches and two or three deeper cuts, a casted wrist and some small bruises here and there on her body. How could she explain that to Jane without him panicking? And if it could be the trigger of his definitive leave? At that thought Lisbon's breathing started to accelerate and with her uninjured hand she gripped the sink as if her life had depended on it to stay afloat. Shutting her eyes tightly she forced herself to calm down. When she could breathe better she headed towards her bedroom with shaking legs. Undressing had been a living hell so she slipped on one of Jane's old shirt - easier to put on in her state -, before collapsing in her bed.

She woke up late next morning, stiff and in pain from the encounter with the teenagers. Her phone stated she had 3 missed calls and 4 messages, all from Jane growing worry with her silence. Lisbon decided to call him straight away, what was better than a morning voice to cover her state? He picked up on the first ringing, hiding badly his panic...

"_Where have you been? Where are you? Why didn't you pick up my calls?"_

"_Hey Jane...", _she said with a small and sleepy voice.

Slowing his breathing, he started again, _"umm, I'm sorry, __hope I didn't wake you up__... Hey Love... I was worr__ied__..."_

"_Sorry, I didn't mean to worry you... I was exhausted when I came home yesterday __and I slept until now__"_, which was true alright.

"_Ok... Where have you been?",_ Jane asked with real curiosity, for she didn't go out since her return from the hospital. Lisbon knew he didn't mean as an inquisition, but she was cranky from not eating the night before and from her injuries. Rather than being rash on him she kept silent.

"_Hey, are you still there?"_

"_Yes, yes, sorry I'm hungry and still sleepy."_

"_Well than you should feed yourself woman! __How is it that you forget to eat when I'm not around?__", _he said with a smile in his voice to lighten the mood.

"_mmm", _was all she could say, feeling a bit guilty to handle him like that.

Jane was a bit at lost even though he knew Lisbon was no morning person. _"So I guess I will leave __you_ _to your breakfast and call you later, alright?"_

"_mmm"_

"_Teresa... Love, __are you okay? What's wrong?"_, he sounded a bit more irritated.

"_Uh... nothing, __really, I have a bad start __today,__ that's all..."_

He had a real strange feeling about their discussion, but didn't want to dig further. _"I wanted __too __to tell you that I'll be home tonight. __We wrapt the case earlier as predicted. __Don't wait f__or__ me though, I'll be in quite late."_

"_Oh, that's nice...", _she said in an unconvincing voice.

"_Teresa, I know we have to sort things out and you were rejoicing having so time alone..."_, he sigh, _"if you want I can go and sleep in the airstream for the next days, I understand you need space..."_, his voice now sad.

"_No, no! I'm sorry Jane... I have things to tell you, but it will wait until you're back home. Don't worry it's nothing bad really. I'm fine and I do look forward to seeing you. I'm going to shower now and then have a nice breakfast or lunch... Have you seen what time it is?", she told him trying_ to sound slighter. Jane knew at that point that there was something going on, but thought better than to push it, they would talk when he will be home. After exchanging nice love words, they hang up, Jane with a bad feeling settling in his stomach and Lisbon with a headache starting, what she really didn't need in her condition.

**.-.-.-.-.**

NB:** I cannot thank you enough for the reviews and follows, it's really nice and encouraging! **

I hope the story is not too slow... I enjoy writing and hope my mistakes are not too bad.


	6. Chapter 6

Lisbon ate her breakfast for lunch, it was really a bad day, she was in pain, tired and worried. How would Jane take in her injuries? Will it be too much and sent him definitely on the run? Her headache was beginning to settle, so pain-killers were also on the menu. As soon as they kicked in she decided to make something of her afternoon by going grocery shopping. In her condition the priority was made for one meal to care: supper; next breakfast would have to wait for Jane's arrival. Luckily it was a mild day which allowed her to wear a summer hat without looking ridiculous or attracted suspicious stares. After a good half-an-hour clumsily dressing in another big shirt, hers at least, a pair of jeans and easy shoes to slip on, she was ready to leave.  
Driving was out of the question, thereby she walked painfully to the closest grocery shop, making on the way small halts to rest her worn-out body and increasing headache.

The shop wasn't very crowded and with only one meal to provide and only one hand to carry her errands, she was rapidly queueing to pay and that's when she saw him... Looking around to distract herself while waiting, she caught the glimpse at a young teenager busy choosing some candy bar on the shelf. Her breath hitched in her throat and she remained frozen on the spot. That boy was the one from the day before, the one who ran first: short, dark hair, brown eyes! Before raising suspicion on her behavior, she straightened herself as best as she could, regained control, paid and left the store, waiting discretely outside. Few minutes later he came out and started walking, unaware of being followed by a small brown haired woman with a summer hat and a cast on her right hand. Fortunately the teenager moved in a lazy pace and rejoined after a 10 minutes walk his destination: a three floors house.

Passing the small gate, he accelerated towards the main door, greeting passionlessly on his way through the front yard two teenagers. The door closed behind him as he rushed in, leaving Lisbon to stare wordless at the place. The colored walls and graffitis, the come and go of young people and the cleanness were all indication of an institution for youth in difficulties.

It was late afternoon when she finally crossed the threshold of her house, truly exhausted and hurting from head to toe. She could have used a taxi to ride back home, but thought the walking would help her to think about her next move regarding her encounter and to ease her nerves regarding Jane's arrival later. As best as she could, she got undressed, protected her cast and slipped in the shower. Lisbon knew that she would probably be asleep soon after eating something and was then relieved to know the dreaded meeting with Jane would be postponed to the morning. Indeed later when Jane opened the door, he had found a small light on in the leaving room and Lisbon nowhere to be seen.

It smelled rather good in her home, increasing Jane's hungry feelings. His stay in New York had been short but very intensive, leaving him no time to eat or sleep properly. He was tired and famished. On the kitchen table Lisbon had left a plate with linguine al pesto, a small side salad and a cute note –_ Enjoy your meal and sleep well, I'll see you tomorrow, LU –. _A sweet smile formed on his lips, he was glad to be at home, really glad. Witnessing her nice gesture, all the worries he had felt the previous day vanished, she seemed to get better and that was a real relief.

Forty minutes later Jane had eaten and showered, and was slipping into bed. Lisbon was fast asleep, recovering from her day, laying on her left side showing her back to him. The cast and her face couldn't be seen in the darkness of the room, also hidden under the cover. It was the last thought to wake her but he needed to feel her body, to smell her scent, to feel her close. He sneaked softly closer to her and put his right hand on her waist, meeting his chest to her back, making her shifting a bit without waking her up. Gently with his hand he pulled her to him, to be able to feel her reassuring weight. But the weight of something else collided on his arm, something heavy and hard. With his hand he explored briefly the foreign object, that seemed to be connected to her body and jumped out of bed.

"_What the heck!", _he screamed before turning the side lamp on.

**.-.-.-.-.**

NB: **Thank you to all the readers, who are still following and reviewing that story!** I'm new with all that but still enjoy myself!

There are many things I don't know, like if "institution for youth in difficulties" are existing like that in the States, have no idea. It's part of the fun and imagination! There are many details I could try to write to the story but I'm not good enough in english for that... Let's see next chapter how will it turn between Jane and Lisbon!


	7. Chapter 7

"_What the heck!", _he screamed before turning the side lamp on.

Lisbon automatically sat on the bed discovering in her move her casted forearm. Jane was horrified and couldn't stare at nothing but her broken wrist, couldn't speak a word, he was frozen on the spot. On the bed Lisbon was still between sleep and waking, years away from the reality, being awake with a male yell, herself hurting... It wasn't Agent Teresa Lisbon sitting in front of a quivering Jane, but "'T" in front of her drunk father. Unaware of her "in-between" state, he raised his terrified eyes to her face catching a glimpse of a blue spot on her right cheek, her face injuries still fully covered with her long hair. He rushed like a flash to her, rising his hand. All she saw was that hand, all she feared was a blow hitting her face, closing her eyes tightly, not budging, not breathing, just waiting... A slight shaking started has soon as she felt a hand uncovering her face, tucking her hair behind her ear. Too shocked by what he was seeing, Jane still didn't noticed the terror she was waking up from.

"_What... How..."_, he whispered talking to himself.

Kneeled on the bed detailing every scratches in front of his sight, he raised then his head to look at her eyes, which were still so tightly shut it surely hurt her. Breathless, shaking, closed to the world, a lonely tear falling on her cheek, Jane understood directly, it was not what she had experienced a week before, it was deeper and definitely calling back scary memories.

"_Hey Teresa... Love, look at me please. It's me, I'm not going to hurt you"_, his voice now a bit smoother, even if his body and mind were still in shock. Her left hand was grasping the sheet, but Jane was stroking gently the back of it, trying to open it and replacing the sheet by his own hand. His other hand found place on her shoulder, squeezing it lightly.

"_Teresa, it's fine... Breathe, look at me... Come on Love. Breathe in... Breathe out... You can do it, come on..."_. Very slowly Lisbon woke up from one of her worst nightmare ever. He kept talking to drag her back to him and sighed his relief when she at last showed him her beautiful eyes. Jane smiled sweetly at her even though his heart and thoughts were clearly in a monstrous storm. As soon as she was fully present again she bursted into tears, her forehead falling on his shoulder, her hand now holding his with force. He placed his arm around her shoulder and spoke softly in her ear. _"It's fine, I'm here with you and I love you.."._

After that it was rather difficult for Jane to require explanation for her injuries, he had mixed feeling between anger, disappointment and protection. But he couldn't leave it alone even if it was rather late and they were both exhausted. He got up from the bed and stood still.

"_What happened?", _he ask a bit harsher than intended, when she had completely regain control. She remained silent and his anger gained ground quickly.

"_Teresa, I left only yesterday and I can't remember seeing you so purple, blue and broken. I can't remember either you telling me about it when we last talked on the phone. But of course I could have fallen in the fifth dimension and forget about it completely", _his voice now angry and exasperated.

Lisbon speechless was looking at him now pacing in the room. The first sense of shame for having silenced the all story was clearing slowly. She knew that saying nothing would be the main reproach but she couldn't quite get such a heavy anger.

"_So you have nothing to tell me?! You want to keep it low, like nothing happened?! How can you tell me being a cop is what you are, when you're obviously unable to protect yourself!", _it was rather low coming like this and as soon as he said those words he regretted it bitterly.

"_Oh hold on here!"_, she began to say while trying to stand up as well.

"_No I'm sorry, I can't hold on here, because it's impossible with you!", _shit he should stop that all escalation, it will be ugly very soon and the risk to do irreparable damages was too high. Lisbon was stunned at his behavior, gentle and lovingly a minute turning angry and mean the really next. He had never experienced it on her she realized.

The silence was heavy, both standing and staring furious at the other. Lisbon broke the false quietness, _"well I'm happy you came back home and I see NY did you good. As you have your own mind about all of this, I have nothing else to say. I'm sure your great mind can figure out what happened to me. As you certainly can see even if you don't give a damn, I'm tired and in pain, so I will leave you to your nasty words to get some meds. In the meantime you are welcome to go sleeping wherever you please, which does not include my bed." _

Lisbon was incredibly controlled, only her rising heart beat betrayed her immense sadness and hurt. She walked past him without a look, making a small halt in the corridor, dizziness suddenly invading her head. Holding herself to the wall she entered the bathroom, slammed the door and slid along it crying. Jane was still in the room, trying to figure out what happened and how they got to this point.

**.-.-.-.-.-.**

NB: Here another chapter... Share with me your idea or tip (to improve either the story or the english). I still don't own anything, except my own thoughts about where that story goes...


	8. Chapter 8

Sitting on the floor, her back to the now closed bathroom door, Lisbon was crying herself to exhaustion. Since Vega's death everything seemed out of place, everything was going insane, she was going insane. Since their arguing in the office after he took her off the Lydon case, they hadn't been able to sort anything out, the tension between her and Jane was thick and sickening.

In the bedroom Jane had two choices, the first one was to simply leave her place and go brood in his airstream, and the second one was to face their relationship and the wall they were meeting. Leaving was the bad choice and he knew it, especially regarding to the event of precedent week. He knew he had to stand in front of Lisbon's fury, but he knew he would not leave her home, not now, not before having found a small step to something better even if it would be settling things only for an hour or two.

Reaching the bathroom Jane could clearly hear Lisbon's despair cry behind the door. His heart tightened, while his forehead and his hands hit the door with a small thud, letting her know he was still there. Inside Lisbon didn't care anymore to be heard or not, she didn't care that he was there or not, she could only felt a huge loneliness surrounding and suffocating her. Outside Jane sat down matching Lisbon's posture, waiting not knowing for what, but still waiting.

"_Teresa... I'm sorry for yelling at you... I got so scared... I am so scared...", _Jane was whispering behind the door knowing she would probably not hear him. Despite her crying, which had weakened, she caught his words, the sadness and remorse in his voice. Why did they have to experience that? Why couldn't it be light and free after so many years struggling?

"_Words can hurt more than fist, you know...", _was all she replied softly and weary after a long minute of silence.

"_... I know...", _he sighed.

There were nothing else to say, they were both hurt and worn. Standing up in the same time on each side of the bathroom door, they both turned the handle simultaneously, finding themselves facing each other. Lisbon had her head down avoiding deliberately to look at him and passed him as soon as he let her the space, to head to her room. Accepting the turn of the event for now and unwilling to pursue the fight, he let her pass and followed her in the room. He watched as wincing she took her initial posture in the bed, laying on her left side, covering herself from head to toe with the sheet. Disregarding her wish, he took place in her bed as well, letting her know that he wouldn't leave and surely wouldn't give up working on their relationship.

The sleep came late for both of them, nothing was said, without touching they just shared the silence and loneliness of the night. The night was studded with nightmares from Lisbon, from which she didn't wake up, but only reassured and eased by delicate words and touches from Jane. For him most of the night was punctuated with whimpers and continuous moves from her, and he only ended falling asleep in the early morning hours.

She woke up finding herself in his warm and sheltered embrace. It felt good. Sinking deeper in his arm she enjoyed for few more minutes that protection and love feeling, that she yesterday thought she had lost. Extricate herself from that haven wasn't an easy task, Jane's grip being firm and her wish not to wake him was as strong as her wish to stay in his hugging arms forever. Before dressing up she looked at him with love and despair, noticing the worry on his face mixed with the laughing wrinkles that had deepened with the years. Oh she loved that man with all her soul, but she still had to figure out how, or even if, it was possible everyday for the rest of her life. Unwilling to face him and start another argument or explanation, she got dressed as fast as she was able to and left her home in search of a nice place nearby to sip her first cup of coffee.

**.-.-.-.-.**

NB: The story continues! For the other story, that some of you want to _follow_ (Journey), I will try to continue writing it. I have ideas to where it goes, but I cannot write two stories at the same time, it's 1. confusing, 2. hard on a language matter. So thank you for your patience!

Thank you also for all the comments you want to leave me ;-)


	9. Chapter 9

Jane awoke an hour later alone in her bed. She had been awake since a long time now he noticed, and given the tranquility in her home she had also left. He sighed deeply, remembering the ugly argument they had the day before, he still didn't knew what happened to her. He got up and went directly to the kitchen. Nothing was waiting for him, no breakfast, not a note. Getting dressed he decided to go and look for her, surely she wouldn't have gone far, her car being in the garage and her injuries slowing her moves. Naturally she could have taken a cab, but it was a nice sunny day and he knew she'd like to benefit from it. There weren't many place with good coffee around and she would certainly feel like keeping him away, so she would choose a place she didn't know.

As he turned around after closing the main door, he stood for a little time to enjoy the warmth of the sun on his face, to tank energy for the coming day. He found the cafe quite fast and as he was approaching he saw her laughing and talking to a man sitting in front of her. Well hidden he stopped and watched their exchange without hearing anything, just reading their postures. He was not a very jealous boyfriend, but he didn't like having men turning around Lisbon trying to seduce her. The few time it had happened he had hated it and on top of it he had observed the loss of his skills to read people, as if he couldn't focus on anything else than his protection's feeling and rage tempering.

Lisbon was relax, which she wasn't since a long time he noticed with a pit of envy, she seemed to enjoy the company, laughing and talking freely. The man was in his mid-forties, quite handsome, well he could only guess, some white glint well placed on his black short hair, a three-day beard, wearing jeans, black t-shirt and sneakers. In a way he looked quite young in his clothing but didn't act like he had a mid-life crisis trying to look younger to impress. There was something special and weird about that man, that Jane couldn't get. What was surprising was that he looked very much serene, at ease and easy to access. He was clearly seduced by Lisbon but it didn't seemed that he was acting on it. When he rose apparently departing, Jane saw the two sharing a short friendly hug, which made a question rise inside him: how long did they know each other? The man left the cafe, leaving Lisbon with a sweet and relieved smile on her face looking a her mug.

Jane decided to wait another 5 minutes before entering the cafe, to leave Lisbon the freedom to talk about her friend or not. Her smile turned off as soon as she saw him passing the door, which of course he noticed immediately. Smiling softly at her, he sat where the stranger had been seating some minutes ago.

"_Hey...",_ he said with a loving voice.

"_Hey..."_, she answered whispering.

They were looking at each other, not knowing where to begin, what to say, like there was a bomb ready to explode at the first wrong word. The tension fell temporarily when the waiter came up to take Jane's order and refill Lisbon's cup.

"_So..."_, he tried again to engage conversation, _"you left early this morning. I'll get groceries today so I can make you breakfast tomorrow..."_

"_I can do that, I'm still on leave and have nothing else to do", _she cut a bit harsher as intended.

He sighed, closing his eyes, well that didn't begin as wished... Opening his eyes, he looked at her with sadness, _"Teresa, I didn't mean it that way. I just want you to feel better and rest. I know you can shop and make your breakfast yourself. I... I just wanted to do it for you, that's all..."._

Lisbon felt bad and in the same time she was still pissed with him. He had been really mean and had hurt her deeply last night, and her lack of real repairing sleep was no help to see or feel anything else.

"_Okay..."_

With daylight he could see every detail of her swollen and scratched face, it was really a nasty injury that he definitely couldn't explain. It didn't look as if she had been beaten up, it looked more like she had encounter a hard surface, like the pavement. Catching his look on her face, Lisbon knew he was trying to figure out what happened to her.

"_I fell two days ago and hit a wall. I broke my wrist when I tried to regain balance while falling. I spent the whole evening until late at the hospital. They said I have to keep the cast for a month and the scratches will fade away with time, like the other bruises"_

"_What other bruises?", _he asked even more concerned.

"_uh?... Oh, well I have some small bruises on the __right__ shoulder and __thigh__, where I hit then the pavement, even though my fall was soften by garbage bag. It's nothing really and it hurts less already... and they gave me pain-killers"_, and she took a sip of her coffee, signalizing the end of the explanation.

Jane could tell that there was more to the story, but he would have to wait to get it. What gained his interest now was to know who was the guy, who was sitting there before him...

**.-.-.-.-.**

NB: The story continues... It's hard to continue to write when the show is now finished. I've watched the 2 episodes finale in the night and I was so happy of that ending. Most of the tv-shows never get a good and serene closure and I'm glad that The Mentalist got it. Surely it has everything to do with SB and RT, they have really a beautiful chemistry (among other things!)... *sigh*

Thank you for all the reviews to that story, I still enjoy them!


	10. Chapter 10

After that breakfast in the cafe, they had headed home quite silently. It was still very tense between the two of them, but they had avoided more arguing, which was for both a relief. Jane didn't ask for more explanation to her injuries and said nothing about the guy he saw.

At her home, Jane wanted to share the day with her, spend time together, like he wanted to before Michele's death, but she had turned that proposition down requiring time for herself. Defeated Jane had nothing left to do but go to the office, mainly to take time to consider a change of future. They had hugged emotionally before his departure, leaving then Lisbon alone at her place.

Lisbon knew exactly what she wanted to do from the rest of her day and that time she was even invited to do it. She left her home again just before lunch time, somehow happier than she had been the last days.

At the FBI office Jane troubled and angry was sitting on his couch with his blue cup in hand. He was angry that Lisbon hadn't say all the truth about her accident. Sure she could have meet a wall, but come on how do you meet a wall like this? And why did she keep it a secret? Right, himself hadn't been very understanding with her, while yelling, but for his defense she deliberately misled him... And that man, he couldn't take him out of his mind. Did he had something to do with her injuries? They had made it after so many years, the were finally a couple, sharing a life together and now this? Another Pike in the picture? Did she wanted to leave him? Did she yearned for a less painful and complicated love? All those question were whirling in his head and he was glad to be seated, otherwise he would have fallen from dizziness and sorrow. Laying down, he closed his eyes trying to regain healthier and calmer thoughts.

Cho arrived an hour later with a new case. It was somehow welcome, tearing him away from his torment, but he was not sure to be able to be at his best. The crime scene was about an hour away from Austin in Pace Bend Park. A scout guide had been found dead not far away from the girl scout camp. Fortunately the last scout girls group had left before finding out, and the housekeeper in charge had found the poor woman badly beaten up and probably strangled. It was a sight which Jane never got use to and with the last even couldn't look at anymore. Death, corpse, killers, that had to stop before he would became really sick. The bile was rising up to his throat and he got lucky not to puke directly on the victim nor on Cho when he turned around. Instead he headed slowly away from the crime scene, leaving his colleague speaking to the rangers. Distant enough not to be seen, he kneeled down, breathing slowly like he did on the first crime scene he went to with Lisbon. He had felt lightheaded and sick, before all this work became a habit. Now he felt like going backwards, starting from scratch. That was not good at all, especially taking his relationship with Lisbon in count. Things had to changed and if she would be unwilling to make a radical move he had to do his. Though the questions remained: would a change in his life give Lisbon her place even if she would work with the FBI, and would she be willing to accept that change... For the time being he had to do his move and for it, he needed time and space. A few days traveling in his Airstream would surely do him good, but he didn't know if he could leave Lisbon, especially with a 'beau' in the picture, her injuries and her breakdown... Why was everything so complicated those days... At least he didn't have to worry about Lisbon's safety at work.

In the meantime Lisbon had regained the three floor house she had discovered a day earlier. This time she crossed the front yard, greeted some teenagers there and entered the house by the main door. Something was definitively waiting for her. She was welcomed by the man she shared a coffee with the same morning.

.-.-.-.-.-.

NB: It's a short chapter... I would really like to develop some cases facts but I'm limited in that theme and it's not the pivoting point of my story, so I won't get very far there. Still hope it's not too slow...!

**Thank you for your reviews! I'm flattered that you like my story. I know it's a bit angsty but love is still here...**

Reviews &amp; improvements tips are always welcome!


	11. Chapter 11

Chap. 11

That evening at seven, Jane passed the threshold of her home with two bags of groceries. He had tried three times to call her during the afternoon to know if she needed him to go shopping and to hear her voice after that last case. With no answer from her side he had became quite nervous and had struggled against his primal reaction to ask Wylie to localized her with her cellphone, but he had remembered that she needed time. The tension they were experiencing those days didn't need to worsen, with his over-protection.

The house was empty, which didn't bring his fears down, nevertheless he decided to begin making supper and to start panicking in an hour if she still didn't appear until then. 'Duck and oven cooked-potatoes' was his menu for the evening, betting that she would have eaten a light lunch and as she took her pain meds in the evening, she had to eat properly before going to sleep. While peeling the potatoes he had sent her a short message asking her at what time she thought she would be in, that was the minimum right he felt he still had without being misunderstood or too nosy. It proved to be unnecessary as he heard a car pull up in front of the house. Leaving his task he eyed discretely through the window and what he saw brought back anxieties that he thought had left with the plane to Washington a few month ago...

Outside Lisbon was in a dark-green modern car, nothing fancy there, and someone was helping her out, that was definitely not normal if one knew Lisbon as he knew her. She would never leave someone open the door like that unless something more than casual was happening. The guy was for sure the one from the morning and both were smiling nicely. Jane had to think fast. What was the best behavior to have? Return to the kitchen as nothing had occurred to him or open the door to welcome her and thereby signaling his knowledge of the event. Deciding for the latest he opened the door to see the car already driving away and Lisbon painfully approaching the door. He smiled sweetly at her and to his relief she smiled back. They were now facing each other, Jane brought his hand to her face and stroked gently her cheek before leaning down to kiss her. It was a short but loving kiss and Jane could feel how exhausted she was as she rested her weight on him. Gently he put his arm around her shoulder and they both went inside.

Lisbon was in pain, he could see that, but she also seemed to be in a quite peaceful mood.

"_Supper will be ready in an hour, the potatoes still need to cook. Why don't you go and relax, take a bath and I'll call you when it's ready?", _he whispered in her ear while hugging her.

She nodded her answer and after another minute in his warmth, she went to the bathroom, leaving a very confused Jane heading to the kitchen.

Jane couldn't put two and two together... On the one hand Lisbon seemed to enjoy the company of another guy, having a strange relationship with him, non answering her phone, and on the other hand she seemed to seek for Jane's embrace, kiss and presence. Simply spoken, he was helpless and needed rapidly to regain his brain in its top form.

Rather than a bath Lisbon decided to have a quick and warm shower to relax her contracted muscles. Getting undressed was still a bit trickier with her cast, but at least it didn't hurt her as much as it did the first day. Before falling asleep in the shower, she exited and enveloped herself in a towel. In the mirror she could still see her injured purple and yellow face and the bruises on her shoulder. It was all healing nicely and colorfully. In the bedroom her pajamas was waiting for her, but too tired she told herself to lay down a few minutes to regain strength to be able to dress and then eat. Her mistake was to close her eyes, which brought her directly in the world of dreams.

When all was ready, Jane set the table and called her, _"Teresa, supper is ready!"._ Receiving no answer, he repeated louder, but still got no answer. Leaving the kitchen he headed towards the bathroom to check if she had fallen asleep in her bath. Seeing an empty bathroom he went to the bedroom and was fascinated to see her on the bed sprawled on her back and deeply asleep. Taking his time to look at her peaceful face, he approached her silently. Her bruises on her face were clear to see, like the one on her shoulder, that he hadn't see at all before. They were not huge bruises, but still were surely painful. Sitting on the edge of the bed he traced with one finger the shape of her injuries on her body. She was absolutely beautiful and he could feel the desire rise in him to make love to her sweetly and softly. Instead he choose to kiss her tenderly, for she had to eat something and head then straight to bed, again the talking would have to wait.. Whispering her name and kissing her shoulder and neck then her lips, was enough to wake her up with a smile on her face.

**.-.-.-.-.**

NB: Not much happening here... My next chapter will contain a m-rated section (nothing terrible promise!), my question is: should I leave it aside for a special chapter so that I don't shock or bother the readers of that story? I've mentioned where it starts and where it ends, but let me know what you'd like... the tolerance for such things are different depending where you live in the world ;-)

**Thank's for your nice and encouraging words to my story!**


	12. Chapter 12

**Pre-NB:** a M-rated section appears in that chapter. It will be noted before it begins and after it ends, so you can skip it easily if you don't want to read any of it!

The next days it was for Lisbon and Jane the same routine. After sharing breakfast and a heated hug, Jane would leave Lisbon to head to the office mainly to give her space, and Lisbon would escape her home for another home and to spend the day with another man, well at least Jane saw it like that. He didn't know how to introduce the topic without creating another mess and he didn't want to follow her or make a search on that guy...

Jane could see that Lisbon was feeling better, more in control of herself regaining decidedly confidence again and beauty. Her face was healing fine and in another few days nothing would be seen apart front a few fading scars. In the evenings Jane would arrive first to a cold and dark home, he would start cooking before witnessing the same show in front of her home: dark-green car, big guy and an exhausted Lisbon dragging herself into his arms. The uncommon smell she had after the day was annoying, it was a mixture of cigaret smoke, men's cologne and other strange and undefined smells. Nothing to dampen his worries. The only relief Jane had every evening was to witness a very clingy Lisbon, seeking for his warmth and kisses, and that's when he knew every evening that there was no illicit affair going on. However she was so worn out that their own intimacy was a bit too sleepy for his liking, not to mention that they hadn't had a moment to speak properly since her breakdown.

On Friday evening, the same routine had occurred. Lisbon for the first time didn't fall asleep after showering and they sat in the kitchen enjoying their meal.  
"_I know it's short notice but I've booked us a night tomorrow in a nice hotel in a quiet place...", _Jane didn't want to add anything more before reading her reaction.  
Lisbon unreadable looked at him. They stared at each other for a good minute until a spark shone in her eyes. _"It's Saturday tomorrow"_, she stated.  
"_Considering my agenda I would say so and mine is free, how is yours?", _Jane's teasing answer made her smile, relief could be seen in all his features though.

Like every evening those days after supper and bedtime routine, they were lying in bed, her head on his shoulder and her casted arm on his side avoiding to press on his stomach. And like every evening those days she fell asleep in a heart beat on a very awake and frustrated Jane. For only comfort Jane told himself that at least she didn't refuse his invitation and that they didn't argue.

On Saturday morning, they woke up slowly, enjoying their touches and kisses, slowly going more passionate, until the phone rang. Jane groaned loudly, his frustration arriving at its limit, but at his surprise Lisbon didn't pick up and soon the phone's ringing stopped leaving them back to their task.

**\- M-rated section, if you don't want to read stop here! -**

Lying on her back, Jane was pinning her to the bed, kissing her deeply, wild from desire. One hand in his hair bringing him as closed as possible, her casted-arm was clumsily trying to free him from his pj's pants. Smiling shortly in his kiss, he let his hand slid from inside her bended knee to her buttocks. Lisbon arched her back to that touch, feeling her desire increasing. His arousal was pressing and rubbing between her legs as she moaned with pleasure. They were both already very close for having been abstinent for so long. Before it could end too fast, Jane moved back sitting on his calves still positioned between her bending legs. Whining she looked at him her eyes stormy with passion. Slowly, which was painful for both of them, he unbuttoned the (his) shirt she was wearing letting his finger trail slowly on her skin, then slid his pj's top up from his head. Bending again over her now nude body, skin to skin, lips on lips, he made then his way to her breast kissing her soft and warm skin. Her good hand was stroking his back sliding to his side unable to go further down as a sparkling orgasm teared her apart. His mouth still sucking at her hard nipple, he got rid of his pants and he plunged into her in one hard stroke. A few deep strokes were enough for both to reach their climax.

**\- M-rated section ending here -**

That union of their two bodies was in that moment the most intimate way they had to show one another the love they shared. Intertwined they felt asleep again even though it was morning and they had to leave soon to be able to fully enjoy their week-end away together.

**.-.-.-.**

**NB:** Pfew... That was hard to write, especially the m-rated section. I wanted something sensual not raw and primal. Writing it in english was really a challenge, hope it was appropriate and not too out of the story. It will still be angsty in the coming chapter...

**Thank you for the guest, who suggested the change of two words in my last chapter! It's helpful! **

**Thank you also for your nice reviews! **You'll have to be patient to know who the other man is though... It's not coming up soon, sorry, I like to tease...!

And for your curiosity about my native language... Well let's play! If you guess right and you are willing to reveal your name or nickname I'll use it in that fiction!


	13. Chapter 13

Most of the week-end was passed with eating, sleeping, walking in the nature and making love. The need to touch was more primary than anything else, as if they both needed to forget the past weeks and their unresolved future vision. The hotel facilities in small cabin Jane had found was a good mixture of both their likings, a cosy modern bedroom for her, surrounded by the nature for him. Jane had dreamed enjoying a nice week-end with her and was relieved that Lisbon had the same pleasure to share all day and night with him.

Before leaving on Sunday afternoon, they decided to have another small walk to enjoy the sun and its heat.

"_We should think of moving together at some point...", _Lisbon said nonchalantly as if she was talking about the weather. They both stood still and before Jane could speak his opinion, Lisbon went on, hesitating this time, _"I... I mean you are practically living at my place... But nothing hurry of course... It was just an idea..."_. He was still amazed to discover how Lisbon could be so confident a minute turning doubtful the next.

"_Well that would help... It's definitely a huge step...", _he answered the same way he did when she proposed him her key. He was touched but knew better to show anything else as a warm smile.

"_But..."_, and Lisbon couldn't talk anymore.

"_But what?"_

"_..."_

"_Teresa, come on, I can see that something is bothering you. You know I would love to live with you, I mean like something permanent", _Jane told her his hands cupping now her cheek so she could look at him, _"and I know that it scares you. I mean I... I'm also scared, but I'm confident that we are going to find the right path. Maybe moving together is the first step...", _he was now daydreaming, looking at the horizon._ "We could go find a nice place that suits both of us, move wherever we wish, even restore a small cabin in California...", _He was now smiling brightly, sparkles in his eyes, his turn to be confident. On the contrary Lisbon was breaking down pieces by pieces. She was dazed by his words, '_wherever', 'California'_, did he forget that she had a job here and not willing to lose it? Back to square one, back to the cemetery.

Witnessing the fall of her face, he closed his eyes feeling completely stupid he could slap himself. What the hell has he been thinking!

"_Listen Teresa, I'm sorry I've been carried away... See how excited I am with your idea", _he tried to alleviate the mood again.

For a nanosecond a very tiny smile appeared on Lisbon's face, before her eyes closed and her brows furrowed, she was now controlling herself not to loose control to anger or to tears. Breathing as slowly as she could master, deaf to what surrounded her, she faintly noticed Jane helping her to seat on the grass and lean against a tree.

"_Easy now Love...", _his concerned voice didn't even reached her ears.

Sitting at her side, head down, he waited for her to emerge from her stoic state, sighing softly and dreading what was to come. To his surprise after what seemed like an eternity, face unreadable Lisbon stood up and began to walk back to the Hotel Parking lot. Jane nearly had to run to catch with her. He seized her sleeve gently for her to turn around. Harshly she freed her arm from his touch and faced him, anger and sadness written on her face.

"_Teresa, come on, you know I didn't want to argue with you... We had... We have such a wonderful time here, reconnecting... I would love to share a home with you..."_

"_Really? Well I guess we don't have the same expectation when we mention 'moving together'", _she cut in a contained ire, _"for me you see, it means sharing the everyday life, enjoying the presence of the other one, being supportive in each other's life and together in our life... For you it seems to be synonym with me quitting my job to follow your life."_

"_I know it didn't come out like it should have..."_

"_You mean that you changed your mind about me doing that job?", _she said in a cold challenging tone.

Jane sighed deeply, _"it's not that easy and you know it. I can't see you hurt... I... I just don't want to loose you. I cannot stand seeing you dying..."_, his voice was now a whisper.

Rising her casted arm and looking at him smiling,_"Oh yes, right because I'm the best proof that being hurt can only happen on the job!", _sarcasm was not her best tune he decided.

"_Well as you point that out yourself, will you finally tell me what happen__ed__ exactly to you?", _his own frustration was making its way out.

"_Oh now you are deflecting! Well it doesn't work like that Jane! The truth is that you cannot accept who I am. You think it's easy to seize every day without trying not to be deceived, __trying not to expect anything__ of the next day? You think I don't know what it's like to loose, to grieve like you are dying? Do you think it's easy for me to trust that tomorrow you'll still be here?!", _she was now screaming, shaking and crying, her control completely gone.

He was struck by her words and terrified of her condition. Not sure she would like to be touched, he waited a bit for her to calm down.

"_Maybe we should discuss that in another place... Let's head to your place or find a cafe... Teresa?"_

"_There is nothing to discuss further, I'm done talking and I just want to go home". _Still shaking, tears still streaming down her cheeks, she went to reach the car. His own unshed tears shining, he followed her, cursing himself to have spoiled their perfect week-end and maybe their future together.

**.-.-.-.-.**

**NB:** Angst is back... Sorry but their path-finding is a process. I hope you are still enjoying the story, please let me know! Still don't own TM...

**Thank you for the new reviews and followers! It was indeed my first m section. Maybe there will be some other later in the story...  
Regarding the little game... Well sorry Janine wrong guess! I like your name though ;-)**


	14. Chapter 14

The only good thing in their ride back to Austin was that it was short. The tension was thick, both sunken in their own anger and frustration. Arrived in front of Lisbon's home, Jane didn't even dare to turn off the ignition, he knew better than impose his presence. They had to calm down before they could talk or touch, if this would even happen again. They both remained seated for a while, not knowing what to say without exploding, before Lisbon grab the door handle to exit the car. Hand on the handle, turned towards the door, her back facing him, she stood still for a second. _"Thank you for the week-end, it was... it was almost perfect_", she mumbled. Without waiting for his answer she exited the car with her bag, she had held firmly on her knees during the whole trip. In a few steps she was entering her home, slamming shut the door, leaving a very worried and speechless Jane. Looking for another minute her front door, desperately hoping, he drove finally away to his airstream.

Inside her house, Lisbon was pacing like a famished lion in its cage. Anger was a small word to describe her emotional condition. Her eyes were dry and a pounding headache was making itself present with a force she didn't experienced for a long time. Her hands were still shaking and her stomach was now thorn in knots. Grabbing the first thing that her hand encountered, a vase with a bunch of red Amaryllis Jane had offered her before their week-end, she threw it with all her strength against the opposite wall. From the impact with the wall the vase shattered in million pieces, flying away, scratching her face and her hands slightly, leaving small angry red tears. Nausea came right after that outburst, letting her run to empty the content of her stomach in the toilet. Unbelievingly tired after that, she dragged herself to her bedroom, where she didn't even bother with her bedtime routine or getting undressed. It was evening, sleeping was the only thing left to do for her before she could destroy her entire home or herself. The coming nightmares would anyway do enough...

Meanwhile, Jane had reached his Airstream, void from everything. Leaving was the worst he could do to her, she wouldn't understand it, but staying seemed to be worse... Thinking as fast as he could, he only saw one solution, which could give them time to work things out without giving her the impression that he was ditching her. Jane grabbed his phone and dialed the number three of his short number list. An hour later, even on a Sunday evening he was meeting Abott in his office.

"_So Jane... What was so urgent that couldn't wait tomorrow morning?", _Abott said yawning.

"_I'm sorry Dennis... It's just that I'm in a kind of urgency. Is there any possibilities for you to find me another job for the next... let's say ten days?"_

"_Well... If I get it right you mean another job in… another... place... right?", _Abott tried, clearly surprised by that request.

"_Mmm... yes, that's what I mean. Do you think it's possible in a way or another?"_, and Jane remained silent, letting his head fall in his hand. _"It's just that I need time and... we need time..."_

Abott knew who the 'we' was referring to, but didn't ask further. He examined Jane's posture and words before he began to speak again.

"_Alright then... I think they are looking for a replacing profiler in Quantico. You could do some teaching class for the next two weeks, I'll call them tonight. Go and pack, you'll be leaving in the morning."_

Jane looked at him, grateful and relieved.

"_Uh... there is another thing I have to ask you..."_, he squirmed on his chair ill-at-ease.

"_Don't tell me... I will announce it officially tomorrow: you were required to be there and I didn't gave you a real choice." _

"_Thank you", _was all it was left to say. Jane rose tiredly, shook Abott's hand and left.

Knowing that Lisbon was still on leave, Jane thought he had to tell her himself and not let Abott call, it would be too obvious even for her. Having to leave in the morning his only option was to tell her tonight, which he dreaded. Before sliding the key in her front door, Jane sighed heavily, trying to ease his anxiety. Inside it was pitch dark, but he didn't bother to switch on the light, knowing perfectly his way to her bedroom. Well he thought he knew for the screech under his shoes was rather bemusing. Not moving an inch further, he reached easily the lamp on the commode next to him. With the light on, he could only witness with a horrified look the shattered glass everywhere, the now dying flowers on the floor and some water drops rolling down the wall. His expert eyes noticed right away four small red dots on the carpet where he was standing. Petrified he couldn't even imagine the rage and despair Lisbon had been in to reach that point and if he hadn't come tonight he surely wouldn't have known.

**.-.-.-.-.-.**

**NB: **So now there are two ways sad and comforting or angsty... Will see!

**Many thank's for your reviews and for following my story! Hope you still like it. Share with me what you think or what I should improve!  
I didn't really get how to thank individually the reviews, maybe I get that right one day!**


	15. Chapter 15

Making his way slowly towards her bedroom, he noticed the bathroom door open. A quick look inside showed him others small red dots on the toilet lid. Sighing in despair he made his way to her bedroom, finding her curled in a fetal position, fully clothed with her shoes still on. Jane was helpless with what he should do next. Should he really go away for two weeks, leaving her in that broken condition? Or should he call Abott right away to cancel and stay near her even if he was hurting her? Sitting on the edge of the bed he thought he would take a decision after waking her up.

Slowly his hand reached her shoulder and began to stroke softly her upper-arm, her cast making a barrier to his caress. Calling her gently he passed his hand then in her hair as she shifted. She turned to lay on her back, rubbing her eyes not knowing exactly what was going on and where she was. Still seated he smiled sweetly to her, full of concern in his eyes.

"_Jane? What's wrong?... What happen? Why are you here?", _she still was bogged in her sleep.

"_Hey, everything is fine. Nothing happened, I... I just wanted to see how you were...", _he paused for a second, _"Oh Teresa, love, I am so bad for you... I ju... just don't want to hurt you...", _his voice cracking now.

Even in the dark room, she could see the tears appearing in the corner of his eyes. She stretched her fingers toward his face, but her casted-arm being too far to reach its aim he took them in his hand and squeezed it lightly. She winced at the touch but said nothing. Taking back her hand, she sat up and hugged him, even though she was still mad at him, she couldn't stand his words. They stayed like that for a while until Jane spoke again.

"_I need to tell you something but first you need to change, you're still in your day clothes..."._

Standing up he helped her getting out of the bed and they both headed towards the bathroom. At the brightness in the room she squinted and he held himself to say anything about the new bloody scratches he could see on her face. He led her to the small commode, put his hand on her waist and lifted her so she could sat there. Rummaging through her cabinet he soon found everything he needed to heal her wounds. Positioned between her legs, at the right height, he gently wiped the bloody dots away. Very still she was observing him with minutia, the way his piercing blue eyes shone, his lips drawn into a thin line, his wild locks, his wrinkles, and the slight touch of his hand on her damaged skin. The love he was radiating gave her hope for the first time since their argument. She didn't dread what he was going to tell her anymore, and when he was finished with her face, he resume the same process with her hands. They didn't speak, they just breathed in unison. When all was done they stared at each other, eyes in eyes as if they were communicating their most inner thoughts, before they leaned at the same moment towards one another and kissed.

The kiss they shared was sensual, soft and deep, savoring the other one, just feeling every move of their lips and tongues. He helped her getting undressed, she helped him, and kissing they went to the bedroom, loving each other in a thorough, tender, fast existential way. Sleep came fast for both afterwards, all was quiet. Nightmares did came for Lisbon during the night, but not as bad as expected, for Jane would just hold her tighter and she would then calm down.

Jane awoke in the wee hours of the morning, his head on her chest. Raising his head to look at the gorgeous woman sleeping, who he loved so much, and he brushed her cheek hoping to wake her enough to tell her he was leaving.

"_Hey beauty..."_

"_Mmm... Jane?"_

"_I have to go now... Abott called me earlier, he has an assignment for me in Quantico..."_

"_Uh... You're leaving?", _the unsaid 'me' at the end of her sentence was loud enough for Jane to hear.

"_It's just for two weeks, they need someone to teach some profiler's tricks. It won't be long..."_

"_Two weeks...", _she sighed sadly.

"_Come on it's not that bad... And we will call each other every day."_

"_Maybe... two weeks... I guess it will also give us time to think..."_

Jane was glad she had come up with that comment herself, certainly it would have backfired if he had brought that up.

"_I guess you're right... I'll missed you, you know?"_

"_I'll miss you too... You'll take care of yourself, no funny stuff, eh..."_

"_I promise. It applies to you too... I'm worried for you love. Promise me you'll take it easy, get enough sleep, eat properly and..."_, he couldn't finish his sentence if he wanted to avoid another fight, surely bringing up her daily gateway was no safe topic. _"Just don't forget that I love you and I'm confident in us, ok?"_

She nodded her answer not trusting her voice.

They stood up together, Lisbon in a robe looking at him while he was dressing up. After sharing a quiet and small breakfast made from tea, coffee and buttered toasts, Jane put his jacket on. Before leaving her home they hugged and kissed, whispering 'love yous'. Both went their ways, Jane towards a new experience and space to think, and Lisbon towards her bed for the time being feeling empty and hopeful. Two weeks was a curse and a blessing for both of them.

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**NB: **Okay I thought I would make it much more angsty but... it would have been a bit too much. I don't like a psychologically weak Lisbon. I think she is strong and can live on her own, she doesn't depend on a man. Likewise she is happy to have someone in her life she can depend on if she wants or need it... That's also what I'm exploring, add to that the turmoil in her relationship with Jane... I'm having fun! Hope you do to while reading!  
**Thank you again so much for the support fav/rev! I hope you still like the story and continue reviewing it! I'm trying to answer the reviews but I'm really bad at it, sorry...**


	16. Chapter 16

The good thing about being on leave, Lisbon thought, was that she could sleep longer in the morning when the night was bad or short, a thing she could eventually get use to, or maybe not. Having eaten breakfast a few hours earlier with Jane, she showered and then took care of the shattered glass and dead flowers that were still spread out in the leaving-room. It was still too early to call Jane, so she decided to go get a fresh brewed coffee and something to eat.

Jane on the other side was since leaving her home on his way to Quantico. He had rather preferred to travel with his Airstream but three days in and three days back didn't leave enough time to do anything there. Of course that journey was a pretense Abott understood, but they had really been looking for some profiler classes in Virginia, so Jane hadn't had much choice at the end.

The cafe she had found days ago 'Il caffè latte' was her choice for the morning. The coffee was good and the encounter she had made then had change something in her way of seeing her future or at least it had changed for sure something in her present. Soon she would tell Jane everything about it, about him, but she had to think more about all this, for she didn't want to jeopardize everything on one big decision and she didn't want Jane to pressure her in a way or another.

While thinking she saw her new friend entering the cafe and decided to wave at him. Noting her he waved back and as he approached her he frowned.

"_Well Hello Teresa, had a rough week-end?",_ he said looking discretely at her new scratches on her face.

"_Hi! Actually I mostly had a nice week-end, how was yours? Had free time at last?", _she didn't want to tell him everything yet and fortunately she knew respectfully he wouldn't ask further, leaving her enough space to share.

"_Unfortunately no time to breathe really...", _cut by the waitress he ordered a coffee and a croissant._ "So Teresa, have you thought about my proposition or do you need more time?"_, he asked her in a warm voice, hope and excitement in his eyes.

Before Lisbon could actually answer, her phone rang. She excused herself and picked up the call, while standing up to walk outside for more privacy.

"_Hey love... "_

"_Hey you. Already arrived?"_

"_Landed few minutes ago... I miss you..."_

"_Come on Jane, how do you want to make it for two weeks?", she said _laughing a bit.

"_I have no idea... So what are you up to? Having a nice coffee at 'Il caffè latte'?"_

"_How do you know... Never mind. Yes my coffee taste good, thank you."_

He noticed that she didn't answer his first question but thought better than to ask again. _"Could you sleep a bit longer after I left?"_

"_Yeah..."_

"_More nightmares?"_

"_Mmm..."_

He sighed... Walking on eggshells again he thought, well that had to be expected. _"Hey love, my ride just arrived. I'll call you tonight if it's fine with you..."_

"_Well if you don't I will, be sure of that", _her half-joking tone was welcome.

"_Okay. I love you and miss you, we'll talk later"_

"_I love you too..."_

They hung up and Lisbon entered back in the cafe to find her new friend on the phone. Hanging up he stood up finishing his croissant in one small bite.

"_Well I have to go, duty call, you know how it is..."_

"_Yeah..."_

"_Will I see you later today? There are other things I have to show you... And maybe it can help you to make up your mind...", _he winked at her, but smiling Lisbon remained silent. _"Anyhow, you know where to find me. And Teresa... I guess I know what keeps you from jumping at my proposition, but I assure you if he wants you to be happy he will have to accept your choices somehow"._

That was far from her certainty, if she could judge by the last argument they had the evening before. Her happiness was clearly not in the game for Jane, not anymore at least she told herself thinking back at his behavior when Pike was still in the picture. What held her back was the love she had for her job and to be honest the love she also had for Jane...

Few minutes later she stood up and exited the cafe. She had another week before returning to work and at least two to three weeks before hitting the field-work again, physiotherapy will be needed after removing her cast she had been told. Sighing she decided to have a long walk to ponder her opportunities and her future.

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**NB:** Sorry for that chapter I was not really inspired... I feel a bit blocked with my story. I know pretty much where I'm heading but I need to find how I'll continue writing it... But inspiration will come back! Don't forget it's a fiction so it means a certain freedom for fact, places and time... I try to be precise but sometimes the information just lacks.

Still don't own anything...

**Thank you for the time you took to review or follow my story! Hopefully you keep enjoy reading it!**


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